Quote

At times, I feel overwhelmed and my depression leads me into darkness.

Even when I'm in a really great, steady and stable place... I'm clinically bipolar, so that always exists - a darkness always exists.

There's something about the darkness that I find unavoidably intoxicating. The knowledge that other people are sleeping and, therefore, unavailable to ruin my solitude, makes me more peaceful than I am during the day.

I realize that I live on the bubble of insanity. I feel the weight of human suffering, loneliness and despair on me all the time. It's not getting easier; if anything, it's always right on the edge of my skin.

Before I got on full-time medication, I believed that my mental disorder was the reason I could create so much and create well, because it made me crazy. I could go to these dark places and then come out of it and just be human again.

When I put my nose in a glass, it's like tunnel vision. I move into another world, where everything around me is just gone, and every bit of mental energy is focused on that wine.

The truth is that several years ago, I suffered from depression. And I remember during this time, I basically fell into this hole where my life became cold, and it became gray, and I lost sight of everything that was important to me.

I don't know if many people know this about me, but I have multiple sclerosis. So I don't have time for a lot of shades of gray. I don't have time for BS.

There are lots of things, including changing the kind of inner dialog, that can mitigate anxiety. And yes, there are people who have the glass half full and glass half empty, and I'm afraid the glass is going to break and I'll cut myself on the shards.