I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
From Jerry Seinfeld
There are very few people who really appreciate my shows. People come to the show and they pay and they enjoy it, but I don't really think most people really understand what they've seen.
You know, crankiness is at the essence of all comedy.
Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.
When you make a TV show, they always say you're a guest in someone's home. Online, you're a guest in someone's face. So that's why I try to make it sound and look and feel very inviting and attractive, because I know that I'm in your face.
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.
I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
Stand-up is hard.
My theory is 98 percent of all human endeavor is killing time.
People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.
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