It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
From Phyllis Diller
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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