A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
From Phyllis Diller
Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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