Quote

I don't think I'll ever be able to grow a beard.

First of all, I wish I could grow a beard.

I find the ritual of shaving very relaxing, but for every day, it's pretty irritating on my skin, so I like having the definition a beard gives.

You can't do comedy with a beard.

My wife hates the beard. When we dated, I would grow it out during duck season. She said she could handle anything for three months - but now I have it all the time.

I feel I am a little bit older. Reckon I will start growing a beard next week.

I just grow a terrible mustache, so I try to use my neckbeard as a substitute. And when I get lazy, I don't shave that often.

But you have to understand, my beard is so nasty. I mean, it's the only beard in the history of Western civilization that makes Bob Dylan's beard look good.