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I'm always in situations where you can't be funny, and yet I want to do it anyway.

I tell stories. Because I believe you can do things that joke tellers can't do, and that is, bring your audience along.

You just tell a good story where you're funny and it makes people laugh.

I always tell people if you want to do something, go to a great comedy show. And that's what I try to do: give people a really good comedy show.

I'm not funny in person. I mean I'm really not. I'm one of those people who always screw up anecdotes.

I use a lot of humor, and I follow the saying that if you want to tell people the truth, you better make them laugh first; otherwise, they will shoot you.

Everyone has at least one story, and each of us is funny if we admit it. You have to admit you're the funniest person you've ever heard of.

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.

Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.