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I've heard every pie joke in the book. I'm still waiting for an original one.

And what's interesting about him as a comic character is that the custard pie hardly ever ends up on his face.

I have a new joke today. Martha Stewart's on suicide watch. They had to unplug all of her ovens.

Most of the Women's Libbers I knew really didn't want to have a piece of the men's pie. They thought that pie was kind of poisonous, toxic, really full of weapons, poison gases, all kinds of mean junk we didn't even want a slice of.

I love jokes that come out of nowhere. The ones where people look at the screen and go, 'What the Hell was that.' As long as it somehow ties back into the story, somehow.

I've got my finger in a lot of pies.

Penn & Teller stopped doing practical jokes, and the reason is we got much too good at it.