The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
From George Carlin
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
Think off-center.
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.
When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
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