Electricity is really just organized lightning.
From George Carlin
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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