I know God is real.
From Jeff Foxworthy
The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.
Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.
You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.
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