On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.
From Erma Bombeck
When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids.
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
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