My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.
From Les Dawson
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.'
The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'
I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.
I know my name will always be linked with women.
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.
With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.
My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.
I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.
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