They've finally comes up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.
From Milton Berle
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Like every comedian, if I heard a joke that I thought would work, I used it.
People say I owe a lot to television. The fact is I was a star long before television. What TV made me is unemployed.
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