Author

I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.

My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.

I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

Mitch Hedberg