I pretty much give both barrels every time I walk on stage.
From Ron White
I go to more open mic nights than open mikers.
I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, 'I'm not even a 10th of this man.'
When I was a kid, mostly I played in a ditch that didn't have much water in it. It was for drainage purposes. There was not a lot trouble to get into in that ditch. It was ditch activities like catching crawdads and minnows.
I don't know who in my family thinks very fast at all, including me. The things that people see me do onstage are written, so it doesn't have to be very quick if you have all day with a pen.
My biggest pet peeve, I guess, is other comedians criticizing Larry the Cable Guy.
My favorite bands are the Allman Brothers and Red Hot Chili Peppers.
I think the world has their own good, clean, Christian comedy. They don't need my help.
My shows are not all-the-way filthy, but they can be.
I always found that the closer I got to who I really am, on stage, the more they responded to it.
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