Comediennes are the lucky ones, because if you're funny, you can be 125 years old and they will still accept you.
From Joan Rivers
Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.
My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.
Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny. Next. Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things.
Nobody wants to hear that you met Harry Truman... I met Harry Truman... But you know what I mean? Nobody's interested. They want to know you met Rihanna. And that kills me.
Being Jewish has always been important to me. I now have 6M tattooed on the inside of my left arm. It's only a half-inch, but every time anyone sees it, they're reminded of the six million who perished, and so am I.
Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.
I hate old people, I hate children. I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
I live very well, but I support a lot of relatives.
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