Author

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.

I'm in nobody's circle, I've always been an outsider.

I was not an attractive child.

Every television show you go on is a choice.

If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.

Joan Rivers