I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
From Rodney Dangerfield
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
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