On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
From Rodney Dangerfield
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Life is just a bowl of pits.
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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