It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
From Rodney Dangerfield
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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