I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.
From Steven Wright
Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.
Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'
In a lot of ways, success is much harder than I thought it would be. I figured that you'd get here and then everything would be happily ever after. But, it's hard work, almost harder once you're successful because you've got to maintain it.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
When I die, I'm gonna leave my body to science fiction.
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
5 perspectives
4 perspectives
2 perspectives