Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn't seem right.
From Steven Wright
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
I have two pairs of reading glasses. One pair is for reading fiction, the other for non-fiction. I've read the Bible twice wearing each pair, and it's the same.
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'
Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
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