Author

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.

Steven Wright