Author

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

So, do you live around here often?

At one point he decided enough was enough.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.

I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'

Steven Wright