Author

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

From Steven Wright

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

From Steven Wright

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

From Steven Wright

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

From Steven Wright

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.

From Steven Wright

There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.

From Steven Wright

It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad stuff is extra-worse. The silences are extra-silent. The good stuff is amazing. It's electric when you walk out there. For 90 minutes, you're on this other planet.

From Steven Wright